When I started blogging my revision in January, my idea was to keep track of the process so I would be able to reproduce it in the future. Now in my fifth week, I must once again report that I did not complete my specific measurable goal.
Throughout this week when I was considering what I going to write for this blog post, I found that I was having trouble with the middle section of the story (still), I didn’t spend as much time working on it as I should have (again), and that life has just been super busy (shock!). The same issues keep coming up and I was left with the feeling that mentioning them over and over was akin to whining. After some reflection and discussion with people whose opinions I have come to respect, I was able to look at it from a different light.
I realized that this exercise has ended up being about more than just whether I get my revision done for the week. Because I am pushing myself outside of my comfort zone (both with revising a story as well as writing constant blog posts) I am running into a heavy dose of self-doubt.
In the past there were never stakes and there were never deadlines. I was living a small life with my writing, daydreaming about getting published ‘some-day’ without taking the steps needed to get there.
And now I am, and it’s terrifying. It pulls everything that I don’t know and can’t do into the light, leaving me cursing the fact that there are not more hours in the day while making excuses to not sit down and actually work on my writing. The moments where my talent does come through are brief and often overshadowed. I owe a lot to the supportive people I have managed to surround myself with, that keep prodding me with my accomplishments instead of letting me dwell too long in my flaws.
I have no idea how I am going to turn this rough draft into an actual published book. Looking at it from this point I am not within eyesight of my goal. I just have the steps set out in front of me that are leading me in the right direction, and I know that I will never reach my goal it if I give up.
So my specific measurable goal for this next week is to finish up the plot and story revision for the folder I didn’t finish this week and finish the next two. It’s going to require me to dig in hard, but I think I’ll make it.
Note: I was trying to make it a habit to post on Friday evenings, but I’m a little disgusted with how raw the posts I’ve been throwing up look. As such, I am now going to be posting on Saturday afternoon which will give me a night to sleep on the post and come back to it with fresh eyes.
