So I never really thought about it, but my husband and I actually eat every meal out over the weekend. I am going to have to possibly start bringing my own meals out for over the weekend. What I did eat was a homestyle chicken breast sandwich and fries for lunch on Saturday. Dinner was a turkey sub with lettuce, and a little mayo. Sunday breakfast was a grilled chicken sandwich with onions, cheddar, and bacon with fries and a snack of a quesadilla at 2. Dinner was a Chipotle bowl with chicken and rice.

Not the best, but I certainly did a lot better than I usually do. No unhealthy snacking like I usually have. I didn’t run, but I wasn’t planning on it. I did my stillness each day. I’m still not really feeling like it’s getting easier, and had to remind myself that wherever I am is perfect. If it gets better, then yay. If not, I still enjoy it.

So I got through yesterday. It was rough, but I made it. My breathing didn’t get super heavy during my run/walk, but my legs were just so tired I had a hard time even making them move. But I got through it and I am joyful in it. I even managed to make myself look at the blocks of stalls I had done instead of the number I still had to finish. And I even finished a little early!

Breakfast was Honey Nut Cheerios, lunch was peanut butter and honey with two cuties. Dinner was a bean and hot dog casserole with a biscuit on top. Still only drinking water or my flavored waters. I think I had two more cuties as a snack after dinner.

Still having a bit of trouble with the timing of my stillness and as seeing it as a positive. I feel like I could be doing other things, thinking about other things during it. I hope it will get easier.

I also took my husband to yoga today. He reacted much the same as I thought he would, and really, he’s good at focus and all that stuff, the thing I am worried about with him is his lack of love of himself, and not thinking he deserves people to do things for him. Unfortunately I don’t think the only weekly exposure to Deb and Morgan will ever get him to accept them they way I have. But I think I made my position clear to him, but now I’m not sure what I need to do to further help him. I’d suggest a therapist, but I know how he feels about them. And I don’t want to push too hard.

I know I’m not really supposed to say I’m tired, because when you say that you make that true, but in this case, my body really is dragging. The positive spin, however, is that I know it is so tired because I’ve been doing the work and I’m going to be better for it. That does not keep me from wanting to just surrender myself to my bed for another few hours.

Over the weekend, the plan is stillness and my groin exercise, along with doing yoga on Saturday morning with my hubby. I am not going to run, as to let my body catch up with everything I’ve thrown in it’s face.

I’m feeling apprehensive about my stillness right now. It’s just hard to be still for that long. Last night I was feeling so worn out that I just wanted to get through it and go to bed. I managed to have one moment of…something that felt really good? I dunno what it was or how to describe it. But it was the first time I opened my eyes twice before the five minutes was up. Then this morning, I know I’m alone in the barn, and while I have been feeling much better about that, I know it’s going to be difficult when my body is already feeling run down, and I won’t have any other energy around me.

Breakfast was my Honey Nut Cheerios. Lunch was a sandwich and a peach Greek yogurt (Not sure how I feel about the taste yet) and a handful of oyster crackers. I had a cutie and one of my granola bars before going home. Dinner was a salad with some pieces of turkey a little cheese and probably more ranch dressing than I should have put. I also had two more cuties.

I want to write more about some of the other people who went through the clinic (without names) and their reactions, but I need to leave in order to have enough time to run/walk this morning before chores. Go Laura! Do the work!

Had a breakdown and breakthrough moment last night. Wow, just typing that sent my mind off on a whole bunch of tangents while I ate some spoonfuls of cereal. But I went to Morgan and we had a clearing of the space, and while I’m not going to put the details here cause that’s more private than I want to put on the internet, it had to do with some hurt that I had received in the past, that my mind was bringing into the present even though *logically* I knew it was all fooy.

It also came up that I am (as everyone is) still emotionally open from Sue’s clinic, and so a bit more suitable to it, in addition to the fact that I worked the entire weekend so I didn’t get the break that I usually have, so I’m a bit worn. It feels good, because I know it means I’ve been working hard, especially with the new added exercise which I am celebrating. However, I am still going to super celebrate the weekend when I can sleep in. 🙂

So my bowl of cereal yesterday morning. Lunch was some left over pot roast with my four pieces of dried pineapple and handful of oyster crackers. I had a cutie (little tangerine) between breakfast and lunch, and a granola bar around 4 or so. Dinner was a turkey and cheese sub with lettuce and a tiny bit of mayo with some watered down pink lemonade (they always make it too sweet).

Did my stillness twice, my run/walk to 20 minutes though I only walked the last five minutes. My groin stretch before bed.

Here’s to a good, non-stressful day.

Five minutes of stillness before bed along with the back warm-up.

In the morning I got to the barn early enough to do my run/walk. 15 minutes still. Then I did my stillness in the lounge after cooling down from my run/walk.

Had yoga with Morgan and Deb. We actually started with some stillness. A little more can never hurt. Did back warm-up and Sun Salutation. I feel like I’m not getting any improvement in my forward bend, so I might have to push myself a bit harder. Morgan says it’s okay for your mind to say things during stillness as long as it’s directed at what you want, like breathing in and out. I was a little unsure about that bit.

Deb also told me about an exercise effort scale and how you should work up to working really hard over the course of your exercise. Also that I should at least walk briskly for the whole 30 minutes even if I can’t run it yet. I’ve been pushing myself really hard cause that’s just how I do things. If I’m not trying my hardest, then I feel like it’s wasted effort, in exercising anyway.

Breakfast was Honey Nut Cheeroies. Lunch was peanut butter and honey sandwich, four pieces of dried pineapple, handful of oyster crackers and flavored water. Dinner is pot roast (no bigger than a deck of cards) and white rice. Might snack on the leftovers if I get hungry later tonight.

Last night I did my five minutes of stillness before going to bed early to catch up on some of the sleep I’ve missed over the weekend. I am a huge fan of my full 8 hours.

So I got up in the morning and mostly convinced myself I was happy to be up starting a new day. Breakfast of Honey Nut Cheerios. Realized I wouldn’t have enough time to run in the morning, so I did my five minutes of stillness. Sometimes I don’t even realize when my mind is running away with me. Kinda weird. Then I did my 50 sit ups, in two blocks of 25. I about died. Or it felt like it anyway. I did my surrendering to the floor (since I didn’t have a mat) afterwards which felt really nice.

Lunch was a peanut butter and honey sandwich, with just about a tablespoon of each on by bread, four pieces of dried pineapple, and a handful of oyster crackers. Along with flavored water.
After lunch and I had finished my chores I went in the lounge with my yoga mat and did my back warm-up, and the groin stretch Morgan taught us. Not sure I’m doing it right, I’ll have to ask tomorrow in yoga.

Then I went out to do my 30 minutes of alternating running and walking every minute. About four minutes in Morgan came and joined me which was nice for the support. She also said I should probably stick to 15 minutes for three days, then up by five minutes every three days until I get to 30. By the end I realized why.

I used to run in track in middle and high school. I also played soccer for several years. And so I could always just run. I guess it’s just been too long since I’ve tried. I can’t just run anymore, in fact it was rather rough. The walk breaks really help, and I know I’ll get better. Also I plan on running in the morning from now on, with better time planning, so it won’t be quite so hot.
Dinner was some…pizza thing my husband made, cheese and egg and pepperoni, and three little pieces of garlic bread. Drink was more flavored water.

I am feeling hungry now (around 8:15pm), so I might have a few pieces of celery that are sitting in the fridge with just a little peanut butter.

So last night after my PB&J, I think I still felt hungry, but not enough to bother me. I went to bed and spent 5 minutes sitting in stillness in my room. I was a little curious about how I was going to time 5 minutes without thinking about how long it had been. I did some focusing on specific points of my body, but eventually shifted to the gate in order to keep my mind quiet. I did it in my head, since my husband was in the next room and I didn’t want to disturb him. I don’t know if that’s ‘legal’, but it worked for me, so I figure it’s okay. Oddly enough, I ended up opening my eyes after exactly five minutes.

In the morning I didn’t remember about sitting in stillness until it was time to go to the barn. But I did it anyway. I had a harder time staying focused, I think because the cats were around my feet and I knew I was late for getting to the barn. However, I managed to open my eyes after seven minutes. Time doesn’t seem to stretch on as much as I thought it would. I also tried to do my 50 situps, which I miss-remembered as 30. By the time I got to 20 my stomach was rather dead. I didn’t get all the way to 50.

Today I had a bowl of cereal (Honey Nut Cheerios), four slices of pizza (two for lunch, and two for dinner), two spinakapedas (1 lunch, 1 dinner), two things of potato chips (1 lunch, 1 dinner) and salad split between lunch and dinner. Oh, also three cuties eaten over the course of the day. I drank only water and a Fuze. Husband is so sweet and asking what foods he should start avoiding when he cooks. 🙂