New Goals

This week I have been very down on myself. I have been scared about being confronted with the possibility that I won’t be able to meet my deadline. I am beating myself up about not working on my novel as much as I “should”. And I’m hesitating putting my fears and worries out there for people to see. Ironic because I also worry about how few people read this blog.

I’ve been human this week. It’s nothing I haven’t felt before, nothing I haven’t beaten myself up about before, and nothing I will not do to myself again in the future.

Yet despite all this doubt and fear, somehow I am always willing to keep going. I’m not sure why I haven’t given up yet. I wrote about 600 words of complaints and childishness before I got to what you see posted here. Maybe writing out this reflection really does allow me to put it behind me somehow.

This week I finished going through the Cinderella tale. The fight at the end is still rough, and I think it ends rather abruptly, but I have cleaned it enough for this pass.
12 weeks left. Let’s shift some things around. I spent four weeks going through the first 28k words (Four chapters). Seems rather slow, though I did have to do some serious rewriting so I technically did Chapter 2 twice.

I still need to finish going through the first half of the novel, which is another 4 or 5 chapters. Let’s see if I can get that done in three weeks. At that point I will better be able to judge how long the second half of the book should be. For those of you counting, that means I’ll end up with a book that’s way too long, but right now I’d like to run into that bridge.

This week’s goal is to get through the next two chapters.

Under a Deadline

This week I had a realization that I was glossing over something that Tabitha really should see, and that is the tale that her artifact sword is actually being used for. As a result I have, for the first time, rewritten some scenes that I think work perfectly well, because I needed to put in something that better works for the story. So I spent the past three days struggling how to not lose the important bits from the previous storyline into this new storyline.

It means pushing back the first occurrence of Rose actually telling a tale, and the town of Deerstep, which will be important later. But since everyone thinks Storytellers’ job is to kill mythics, having that be the first thing you really see them do probably works. I managed to keep in the fight, as well as introducing the concept of another Storyteller team, while also providing obvious proof of the tales and the artifact’s role in them.

Now I’m back in a little bit of panic mode. If I’m screwing with so much at the beginning of the story (It’s Chapter 2), I have no idea how I’m going to get everything sorted out in the second half of the book, which is still a good number of loosely connected points and a bunch of ‘hey, you know what would be cool’ ideas. At least it doesn’t seem to be adding too much to the ‘too long’ first half of the story.

I came to realize last night that I am feeling the stress from working under a deadline I don’t know if I can meet for the first time. I know I can work on my story until the cows come home. I love writing, I love working on it, but this is the first time that I am really expecting of myself to get something done. Now I mean I know I won’t have this publishing ready by January, that would be impossible, but even the idea of getting it ready for beta readers is massive.

At the same time, I will have a contract for a book one day, and then I will be expected to produce something. I need to learn how to deal with that stress, be productive, and not drive myself crazy while there’s no legal ramifications tied to it. I’ve never been the most efficient of people. I get things done, but it’s usually rather haphazard. I don’t know any other way to write though, so nothing to do but keep going. Like I said last week in my super short post, I either keep going or give up writing completely. I am going to get this story to readable by January.

Grinding and Polishing

I’m not sure it ever properly came across to me from the advice of other writers just how horrible first drafts actually are. I think that was one of the biggest ‘Ah Ha!’ moments for me, and I know some people’s first drafts look better than others, but I’ll tell you, I think I am at the bottom of the heap. What I started out with is just so far gone from what the story looks like now (and I’m still not near to publishable ready) and it really is turning into something great.

This is my second week where I planned to work on scenes involving Archer and Slayer. Since I finished those last week, I decided to go back to the beginning of the story and clean it up. I have been able to put in some more foreshadowing, nailed down some of the wavering character motivations at the beginning of the book, and now they all actually have fighting styles!

I love going back to the beginning of a story because it’s always so much more polished than the end. It makes me feel good about how far I’ve come before I get back into the still rough later part of the book. I just push the polish forward a little bit at a time with each iteration and eventually the book gets ‘done’ and then I just go back over it again and again.

I’ll have to play around with balancing how often I go back to the beginning and how often I put my nose to the grindstone and push through the new material, since the obvious downside of this method is that the beginning gets a lot more polish than the ending bits. But recently I think I may have been grind-stoning a little bit too much and I was just finding myself discouraged and stuck in a place where I didn’t think any of my writing was any good.

Internet Distraction

So my husband and I watched the first season of Sleepy Hollow and then missed the second season. We decided we wanted to watch the second season before the third season starts October 1st, so we signed up for a free trial of Netflix, only to realize we couldn’t watch Sleepy Hollow on Netflix. So we went to Hulu and signed up for a free trial there, only to realize instead of a month, like Netflix gives you, we only get a week. So we hunkered down to watch 18 episodes of Sleepy Hollow in seven days.

All was going well until yesterday afternoon our Internet (and cable) stopped working, and I stopped to think about it, and realized that being out of Internet for a few days isn’t all that big a deal (granted if it hadn’t happened on a weekend it would be a bigger deal because my husband works from home) except that this happens to be the week that we were trying to watch all that Sleepy Hollow. What a bother.

I sat down last night to do my writing and had to stop myself dozens of times from hopping on the Internet to ‘real quick’ check something, only to remember I couldn’t. It didn’t occur to me that it was that big a distraction. I think I might start turning off the Internet during writing time. I have a little wireless button on my laptop that will work perfectly well for that.

That being said, I am getting back into the swing of writing. I think my plan from last week really helped. It surprises me how much I have done, and how much I still have to do. Like I think I can get it beta reader ready by the end of the year, but I can’t imagine how long the polishing will take. Still, even if the polishing takes a whole year, the book will have gotten done in less than three years, which I can be proud of.

Plan for the Rest of the Year

I was talking with my husband this morning and he asked if I was going to work on my novel, and in jest I said, ‘Yes, I’m going to go work on my boring, old novel.’ Then I stopped and realized that The Storyteller isn’t even a year old yet. The concept for it is about a year old, but I didn’t start writing it until October of last year. And that sort of blew my mind. I have so many other stories that aren’t even to this point that are far older, yet when I think about this novel, I keep having issue with how long it’s taking me to get to beta reader ready. I’m grateful for the reminder that I’m doing a good job.

My goal is to have The Storyteller ready for my beta readers by January 2016. I counted up the number of weeks left in the year. 16 and five days, which I am rounding up to 17 because I can do that. Here is a list of what I still have to do:

Finish writing the scenes involving The Slayer and The Archer. (3 weeks)
Finish writing the scenes involving The Fairy Godmother. (2 weeks)
Finish writing the scenes involving The Huntress. (2 weeks)
Fix three plot holes. (1 week)
Overall run through of story to identify any new problems. (1 week)
Run through to fix any “medium” problems. (3 weeks)
Run through to smooth out as many “minor” problems as possible. (3 weeks)
Overall run through of story as a last check. (2 weeks)

That’s actually more time than I thought I was going to have. Once I wrote it out in a list and put times to it, I’m pretty confidant in my ability to get it done. Though I suppose I have to remember that Thanksgiving and Christmas are in there, and I won’t be able to participate in NaNoWriMo this year. Still, less than a year an a half to get a story to beta readers. I’m happy with that.

Inspiration from Dungeons & Dragons

You may or may not know that in my spare(!) time I play Dungeons and Dragons. So when I decided I needed to flesh out my important characters’ fighting styles for The Storyteller, I realized that D&D held a wealth of information I could tap into. More specifically, I chose 4th Edition D&D because we (my gaming circle) see 4th Edition classes as little black boxes out of which attack come. It’s ripe for reskinning, and that is exactly what I wanted to do. So I told my husband the basic ideas I had for five of my characters, and he pitched classes at me until something intrigued me.

Bonus information: In The Storyteller, there are mythics, which leave remnants of themselves behind when killed. These items hold what magic the mythic had and can then be used for that magic in different ways.

I started, oddly enough, with a character that I’ve never mentioned before because he only became an important character when I realized I had to expand on a subplot and he and his partner became one of the main focuses of that subplot. His role is The Slayer. My inspiration was the Player’s Handbook 2 class, the Barbarian, and more specifically, the rages that they enter.
The Slayer can absorb a remnant it will give him two or three abilities from the type of mythic who dropped it. If he doesn’t stay properly focused on himself, he will slowly lose himself into the ‘rage’. When that happens, his partner has to snap him out of it or he will lash out randomly.
Right now the ‘rages’ he has are: Stone Ram, Feathered Serpent, and Red Dragon.

Next was Garrett. For him the inspiration was the Player’s Handbook 3 class, the Monk, and their vast array of attacks. During this process he lost the sword he had in lieu of a monk’s weaponless fighting style.
Garrett can switch among a number of absorbed remnants, using each for one power. Some are more rare, and others use up more magic. He can use more than one at once, but the rate at which they are drained of magic increases dramatically. When a remnant runs out of magic, it is gone.
A rough list of his remnants are (from common to rare): Giant’s Strength, Ram Horns, Arachne Silk, Cat Claws, Undine Scales, Thunderbird Wings, Basilisk Poison, and Living Flame.

Rose was next, and I pretty much knew what he would be right off the bat, I was just less sure how I was going to skin it. His inspiration was the Player’s Handbook 1 Wizard combined with Pathfinder’s Occult Adventures Occultist.
Unlike the first two, Rose does not use remnants directly, he creates artifacts (a feat in itself), which allows him to manipulate the spells he can get out of remnants. He also has to carry around the artifacts in order to use them. He doesn’t have a full list of artifacts yet, but it may or may not include gloves that create a necrotic web and a bell that makes an illusionary double.

The Slayer’s partner is The Archer. I put him off until later because I thought I knew exactly what I was going to do with him (Player’s Handbook 3, Seeker). Turns out I was wrong, and instead got my inspiration from the Martial Power 2’s Warlord, which was when they introduced the Skirmishing Warlord, who uses a bow.
The Archer uses normal arrows in order to be a distraction, position the mobs where he wants, and just straight up shoot things, but he also has a number of specialty artifact arrows made by Rose. Those include: Healing Arrows, Daze Arrows, Entangling Arrows, and Lightning Arrows.

Tabitha I left until last because she’s the only one of the important characters who doesn’t use magic in her fighting style the way the others do. I played around with a few options and finally decided on the Player’s Handbook 1 Paladin with all the healing and religion stripped out. She was raised riding a horse in full plate, knows her diplomacy, and charges headfirst into danger to protect people. Those are the traits a proper prince should have, after all.

I shared this, not because I have any illusions that what comes out in the published book will necessarily still look like what I have here, but just to show my process. Very few of my ideas strike me like a bolt of lightning. I take inspiration from everything I interact with on a daily basis. Using D&D was a new technique, but it really helped me to flesh out all of the characters by giving me a direction.

Doug Schembri Memorial Show 2015

  • So two weekends ago (at the end of my three weeks of ‘vacation’) was the Doug Schembri Memorial Horse Show in Tampa, FL. We don’t normally go that far for a horse show, but the people running the show, the Schembri’s are old friends of Deb, Morgan, and Cassie, and own the farm Char-o-Lot where I went for my six month internship. Suffice it to say, we like them and this is a good excuse to both go to a horse show and see friends. We arrived Thursday (Aug 6th) night. Spent Friday lunging and training, and then we showed on Saturday and Sunday.

    My day started out wonderfully, I placed second and third in Non-Pro Hunter in Hand, and got two thirds in Open Hunter in Hand. I was also in Most Colorful Geldings (halter class), since Nick has so much Appaloosa coloring. I got second in that class as well.

    Then my day continued wonderfully as my horse began to fall apart. Yes, I said wonderfully. At Advantage Ranch, we go show to figure out who we are as people in stressful situations. (Well it’s also fun to show and nice to win ribbons when they happen, but I digress.)

    I just posted an article this past week about people’s attitude toward horses and the training of them. If you haven’t read it, it’s very informative. The following is the relevant bit:

    The problem with this approach is that 1) it assumes a horse is something that it is not (such as a dog or a child); and 2) it rewards a horse for inappropriate and/or disrespectful behavior. Horses are noble, magnificent animals that inspire and awe me daily. They deserve respect for what they truly are — which is livestock (prey animals with hooves) of the highest order. Horses do have emotional and psychological needs — but those needs aren’t the same as the human equivalent. It is a form of disrespect and dishonor to treat the horse as anything else. And it harms them, sometimes almost to the point of no return.

    When a person and their horse go to a horse show, you tare taking an animal whose very nature is one of fear (prey animal) and putting them into a loud, confusing, and unfamiliar situation where emotions and nerves are high because of competition, and then expecting them to preform the same way they do back home.

    By the time we were preparing for Showmanship, Nick was pushing back against, testing the alpha mare (me) he relies on to keep him safe, and I, in my nerves, had been dropping the ball over the course of the day until I couldn’t walk him around without him attempting to walk all over me.

    We got through the Non-Pro Showmanship with a balk at the trot transition, though his training really came through in that I was able to bring him back and complete the pattern. After that, I realized that I didn’t trust my horse to not come completely unglued in the next class, so I handed my horse to my coach and I went to the tack room to cry.

    And yes, all of this is wonderful. Because once I cried, I went back out and I had a lesson on how to keep Nick’s mind (and my mind) focused more on the task at hand. And this was more valuable to me than the good runs I had in my Hunter in Hand classes, because as I am learning how to deal with the stresses of a horse show, I am really learning how to deal with the stresses of life.

    “If things are done correctly, the heat and pressure generated within the crucible of competition should burn away all that is base and false, leaving only the pure and true.”

    ~ James C. Wofford,
    USEF Combined Training Coach
    and 2 time Olympic Competitor

    And this is the work that is done at Advantage Ranch that is harder to explain to people when they come simply wanting riding lessons for their kids. The program itself is focused on teaching people about themselves and giving them the skills to tackle life instead of being at the mercy of it.

    You may remember my post a while ago about my recent bout of depression. This is an example of how what I’ve learned at Advantage Ranch applies to my real life.

    That being said, I am now going to use my fledgling influence to tell you about a new project that Advantage Ranch is getting ready to launch.

    It is called Resilience Retreats, and it is a summer camp experience for teenagers of military families, who are dealing with parents or siblings who have gone away to war and are having a hard time reintegrating into their families.

    While there is support aplenty for the returning soldiers, there is a sad dearth of programs to help the teens cope with these changes.

    The Resilience Retreats will help the teens discover who they are and who they are being in this world, which will better equip them to be confidant in themselves in the face of the struggles their loved ones are facing. And we want to provide this experience to them free of charge.

    You can find out more information on the website for Resilience Retreats, which will also have a link for the INDIEGOGO campaign which is happening this coming Tuesday the 25th. We are looking to start out strong with our donations and every little bit helps.

    Also, check out Advantage Ranch’s Facebook page where there will be posts you can share in order to get the word out. Thanks so much!

  • Post ‘Vacation’ Crash

    Several weeks ago (now) I went to the Writer’s Digest Conference in New York City. The next weekend I went to a horse show, and after three weeks of no downtime I crashed hard when I got home on Monday. It has taken me until now to sit down and work on any writing at all. (I haven’t written anything since two weeks ago either.)

    But here is what I (thankfully) thought to write about my Writer’s Digest Conference on the train home:

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    After this weekend I have a few new possible tools to try that will hopefully help me flesh out what I need to in The Storyteller, and even trim down (!?) the first part.

    One major thing I learned was that I should aim to start with 60 scenes, 15 in act 1, 30 act 2, 15 act 3 with the important bits where they should be. Well I currently have 48 scenes (including the ones I added to my post it note outline that aren’t actually written yet) so I’m a little short in the first place. I also got ideas of how to come up with worthwhile subplots (because apparently character growth and a romantic sub-plot just weren’t enough) that will mean something.

    However, I am happy to say that I do know what the book’s theme is and that is super important. I even ‘pitched’ my book to some people and they all seemed rather interested in it. So I think I’m on the right track, I just have to figure out the rest. I still have a goal of finishing this version of my draft by the end of the year. I need to get back into my habit of my set schedule, even though it’s harder to figure out how much I’ve gotten done because I won’t have a word count to quantify my progress.

    ALSO! I really loved New York. I don’t like cities, and I would never want to live in one, but being in New York was so surreal. I’ve seen it so often in movies that when I looked around I kinda felt like I must be in a movie. And when you look down the street and just see a line of buildings that just goes on, it’s very Inception looking. The touristy areas and the business areas around Times Square and Park Ave were just so clean and well maintained and well patrolled. It was really just great. Like I’d love to visit again (WD next year!) though I doubt I would want to live there, even if I had the income to support it.

    I can understand how it’s like a world of it’s own, all within that tiny little space. There’s just so much culture that grows in even those individual sections. It’s cool. Plus I had a New York Bagel, which was amazing, and New York Pizza, which was good but not world-ending good.

    All in all, it was a great weekend. I gave my cards out to a bunch of people, went out with new (and old) people each night for dinner. Got a bunch of cards, and got a ton on inspiration in general. I need to go through my notes and file away the important stuff in my Writing Scriv so I can find it when I need it. Learned about plotting, and outlining, and the two keynotes speakers I heard were great. World building, and apparently the other ones weren’t amazing because I don’t remember them off the top of my head. Also a panel on new authors, which was nice just for info.

    And someone did say that blogs don’t sell as many books as people really think, so encouraged us to not go nutso with the onlineness. I am happy to hear that, though I really think I was basically in that mindset anyway, I’ll just be happier now since I won’t worry quite so much about getting hardly any page views.

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    Now that things are caught up to there, I have to decide if I’m going to write a post about my horse show. I figure this blog does focus mostly on my life revolving around writing, but other things are important too. I want this blog to exist so that people can get to know me, so I guess that includes the horsey stuff as well.

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    It hurts how little we can actually communicate with each other. It hurts how helpless I feel when I just want someone to be able to understand, but no one can. No one else can understand, not really, because no one else lives in the world I live in. And it hurts because I realize how little I understand anyone else.