Category: journal

Over the weekend

Laura Highcove

So I never really thought about it, but my husband and I actually eat every meal out over the weekend. I am going to have to possibly start bringing my own meals out for over the weekend. What I did eat was a homestyle chicken breast sandwich and fries for lunch on Saturday. Dinner was a turkey sub with lettuce, and a little mayo. Sunday breakfast was a grilled chicken sandwich with onions, cheddar, and bacon with fries and a snack of a quesadilla at 2. Dinner was a Chipotle bowl with chicken and rice.

Not the best, but I certainly did a lot better than I usually do. No unhealthy snacking like I usually have. I didn’t run, but I wasn’t planning on it. I did my stillness each day. I’m still not really feeling like it’s getting easier, and had to remind myself that wherever I am is perfect. If it gets better, then yay. If not, I still enjoy it.

Weekend!

Laura Highcove

So I got through yesterday. It was rough, but I made it. My breathing didn’t get super heavy during my run/walk, but my legs were just so tired I had a hard time even making them move. But I got through it and I am joyful in it. I even managed to make myself look at the blocks of stalls I had done instead of the number I still had to finish. And I even finished a little early!

Breakfast was Honey Nut Cheerios, lunch was peanut butter and honey with two cuties. Dinner was a bean and hot dog casserole with a biscuit on top. Still only drinking water or my flavored waters. I think I had two more cuties as a snack after dinner.

Still having a bit of trouble with the timing of my stillness and as seeing it as a positive. I feel like I could be doing other things, thinking about other things during it. I hope it will get easier.

I also took my husband to yoga today. He reacted much the same as I thought he would, and really, he’s good at focus and all that stuff, the thing I am worried about with him is his lack of love of himself, and not thinking he deserves people to do things for him. Unfortunately I don’t think the only weekly exposure to Deb and Morgan will ever get him to accept them they way I have. But I think I made my position clear to him, but now I’m not sure what I need to do to further help him. I’d suggest a therapist, but I know how he feels about them. And I don’t want to push too hard.

Yay Weekend

Laura Highcove

I know I’m not really supposed to say I’m tired, because when you say that you make that true, but in this case, my body really is dragging. The positive spin, however, is that I know it is so tired because I’ve been doing the work and I’m going to be better for it. That does not keep me from wanting to just surrender myself to my bed for another few hours.

Over the weekend, the plan is stillness and my groin exercise, along with doing yoga on Saturday morning with my hubby. I am not going to run, as to let my body catch up with everything I’ve thrown in it’s face.

I’m feeling apprehensive about my stillness right now. It’s just hard to be still for that long. Last night I was feeling so worn out that I just wanted to get through it and go to bed. I managed to have one moment of…something that felt really good? I dunno what it was or how to describe it. But it was the first time I opened my eyes twice before the five minutes was up. Then this morning, I know I’m alone in the barn, and while I have been feeling much better about that, I know it’s going to be difficult when my body is already feeling run down, and I won’t have any other energy around me.

Breakfast was my Honey Nut Cheerios. Lunch was a sandwich and a peach Greek yogurt (Not sure how I feel about the taste yet) and a handful of oyster crackers. I had a cutie and one of my granola bars before going home. Dinner was a salad with some pieces of turkey a little cheese and probably more ranch dressing than I should have put. I also had two more cuties.

I want to write more about some of the other people who went through the clinic (without names) and their reactions, but I need to leave in order to have enough time to run/walk this morning before chores. Go Laura! Do the work!

Feeling the burn

Laura Highcove

Had a breakdown and breakthrough moment last night. Wow, just typing that sent my mind off on a whole bunch of tangents while I ate some spoonfuls of cereal. But I went to Morgan and we had a clearing of the space, and while I’m not going to put the details here cause that’s more private than I want to put on the internet, it had to do with some hurt that I had received in the past, that my mind was bringing into the present even though *logically* I knew it was all fooy.

It also came up that I am (as everyone is) still emotionally open from Sue’s clinic, and so a bit more suitable to it, in addition to the fact that I worked the entire weekend so I didn’t get the break that I usually have, so I’m a bit worn. It feels good, because I know it means I’ve been working hard, especially with the new added exercise which I am celebrating. However, I am still going to super celebrate the weekend when I can sleep in. 🙂

So my bowl of cereal yesterday morning. Lunch was some left over pot roast with my four pieces of dried pineapple and handful of oyster crackers. I had a cutie (little tangerine) between breakfast and lunch, and a granola bar around 4 or so. Dinner was a turkey and cheese sub with lettuce and a tiny bit of mayo with some watered down pink lemonade (they always make it too sweet).

Did my stillness twice, my run/walk to 20 minutes though I only walked the last five minutes. My groin stretch before bed.

Here’s to a good, non-stressful day.

Feeling good

Laura Highcove

Five minutes of stillness before bed along with the back warm-up.

In the morning I got to the barn early enough to do my run/walk. 15 minutes still. Then I did my stillness in the lounge after cooling down from my run/walk.

Had yoga with Morgan and Deb. We actually started with some stillness. A little more can never hurt. Did back warm-up and Sun Salutation. I feel like I’m not getting any improvement in my forward bend, so I might have to push myself a bit harder. Morgan says it’s okay for your mind to say things during stillness as long as it’s directed at what you want, like breathing in and out. I was a little unsure about that bit.

Deb also told me about an exercise effort scale and how you should work up to working really hard over the course of your exercise. Also that I should at least walk briskly for the whole 30 minutes even if I can’t run it yet. I’ve been pushing myself really hard cause that’s just how I do things. If I’m not trying my hardest, then I feel like it’s wasted effort, in exercising anyway.

Breakfast was Honey Nut Cheeroies. Lunch was peanut butter and honey sandwich, four pieces of dried pineapple, handful of oyster crackers and flavored water. Dinner is pot roast (no bigger than a deck of cards) and white rice. Might snack on the leftovers if I get hungry later tonight.

Running…

Laura Highcove

Last night I did my five minutes of stillness before going to bed early to catch up on some of the sleep I’ve missed over the weekend. I am a huge fan of my full 8 hours.

So I got up in the morning and mostly convinced myself I was happy to be up starting a new day. Breakfast of Honey Nut Cheerios. Realized I wouldn’t have enough time to run in the morning, so I did my five minutes of stillness. Sometimes I don’t even realize when my mind is running away with me. Kinda weird. Then I did my 50 sit ups, in two blocks of 25. I about died. Or it felt like it anyway. I did my surrendering to the floor (since I didn’t have a mat) afterwards which felt really nice.

Lunch was a peanut butter and honey sandwich, with just about a tablespoon of each on by bread, four pieces of dried pineapple, and a handful of oyster crackers. Along with flavored water.
After lunch and I had finished my chores I went in the lounge with my yoga mat and did my back warm-up, and the groin stretch Morgan taught us. Not sure I’m doing it right, I’ll have to ask tomorrow in yoga.

Then I went out to do my 30 minutes of alternating running and walking every minute. About four minutes in Morgan came and joined me which was nice for the support. She also said I should probably stick to 15 minutes for three days, then up by five minutes every three days until I get to 30. By the end I realized why.

I used to run in track in middle and high school. I also played soccer for several years. And so I could always just run. I guess it’s just been too long since I’ve tried. I can’t just run anymore, in fact it was rather rough. The walk breaks really help, and I know I’ll get better. Also I plan on running in the morning from now on, with better time planning, so it won’t be quite so hot.
Dinner was some…pizza thing my husband made, cheese and egg and pepperoni, and three little pieces of garlic bread. Drink was more flavored water.

I am feeling hungry now (around 8:15pm), so I might have a few pieces of celery that are sitting in the fridge with just a little peanut butter.

Stillness

Laura Highcove

So last night after my PB&J, I think I still felt hungry, but not enough to bother me. I went to bed and spent 5 minutes sitting in stillness in my room. I was a little curious about how I was going to time 5 minutes without thinking about how long it had been. I did some focusing on specific points of my body, but eventually shifted to the gate in order to keep my mind quiet. I did it in my head, since my husband was in the next room and I didn’t want to disturb him. I don’t know if that’s ‘legal’, but it worked for me, so I figure it’s okay. Oddly enough, I ended up opening my eyes after exactly five minutes.

In the morning I didn’t remember about sitting in stillness until it was time to go to the barn. But I did it anyway. I had a harder time staying focused, I think because the cats were around my feet and I knew I was late for getting to the barn. However, I managed to open my eyes after seven minutes. Time doesn’t seem to stretch on as much as I thought it would. I also tried to do my 50 situps, which I miss-remembered as 30. By the time I got to 20 my stomach was rather dead. I didn’t get all the way to 50.

Today I had a bowl of cereal (Honey Nut Cheerios), four slices of pizza (two for lunch, and two for dinner), two spinakapedas (1 lunch, 1 dinner), two things of potato chips (1 lunch, 1 dinner) and salad split between lunch and dinner. Oh, also three cuties eaten over the course of the day. I drank only water and a Fuze. Husband is so sweet and asking what foods he should start avoiding when he cooks. 🙂

Day 1

Laura Highcove

So the clinic is going on at Advantage Ranch this weekend with Sue Cumming-Schultz. Friday night was the yoga session, which was pretty great. I have been doing yoga with Morgan and Deb for…I guess it’s been at least three months now. So I kinda knew a lot of the stuff already, but since Morgan’s still learning, there was still a bunch of new information that Sue was able to bring up, one of which is the art of meditation. About spending a bit of time each day being still and just doing nothing, which is a pretty ridiculous concept in this day and age when everything is goGoGO all the time.

But even while we were having the session, it kinda surprised me at the number of people who said they felt like they had to be doing something all the time. It’s just the way society seems to be. And really, it makes a lot of sense. I feel guilty when I have so much to do (even out of things I *want* to do) that I feel like I just have no time. I guess even with Morgan telling me that everyone feels the same things just at different times, it didn’t really sink in until there were that many people all saying the same thing.

Anyway, Saturday morning we had our first session at the barn, and we talked about mastery of a craft, horseback riding in this instance, and I began to feel guilty. Horses suffer when we ride them without knowing what we’re doing. Sitting on their backs wrong, pulling them into positions they can’t handle physically, mentally distressing them. And since I’m learning that’s all part of the process. And while I love riding, and I love that connection that I get while riding Tori, I’m not interested in riding in the capacity that Sue was talking about.

I look at what Morgan can do on a horse, and I think ‘Wow, I wish I could do that.’, but at the same time, I don’t feel a real drive or desire to work as hard as it would take to get to that level. Sort of the same way I look at a really cool drawing and wish I could do that, but have no patience to work on my drawing skills. On the other hand, when I see what Deb does with training the yearlings, I find myself thinking, ‘I am willing to do whatever it takes to be able to learn how to do that.’ I’m not sure why, maybe it has something to do with creating a young animal, and helping to shape it toward greatness, and the ability to be the perfect partner for someone one day. Maybe it’s something else completely.

But even that dream costs money in the end, and the two complaints that I have with my life, that I know I shouldn’t have because I have so much to be thankful for, but in still being human are: my lack of a real money paying job, and my weight. Sue rightfully pointed out that I can do something about my weight right now, even if the universe continues to deny me a job. And while I know Deb and Morgan have said it on many different occasions, something else was added that really made it feel more doable to me, was that Sue said that I would be the first person she would want to see when she comes back in September, and whether or not she meant that literally or not it gave me, for the first time, someone to be accountable to. I’m new to this ‘self-discovery’ stuff, and I know I’m weak on ‘working hard even when no one is watching’, but she also made me realize that that’s okay. That the people at the barn are there to support me and encourage me even when I’m feeling all too human.

So that’s why I’m putting this all in my blog. Because then I can hold myself accountable, because other people may or may not be reading this each day. People who I will see and encourage me. And also because when I’ve gotten a few weeks in (or longer), I can look back and see how much I’ve already done and feel good about keeping consistent, which will help to encourage me to keep it up. I’ll work on being accountable to only myself, but for right now I’m fine with where I am.

So for today, I came back from the barn and walked around the block while I waited for my husband to come and unlock the door I forgot to take a key for this morning. Then I ‘googled’ healthy Chinese takeout, since that was what my husband and his friend Andrew were getting. Turns out one of my favorites, Beef and Broccoli is one of the more healthy (Yes, I know it’s still Chinese takeout) that you can get since it has vegetables and nothing fried (if you get steamed rice). I got a small, and forwent my normal egg roll and crab meat wontons. :'(

The only problem being that the tiny little meal didn’t fill me up. And I’m sure I’m still hungry because I drank water and waited over an hour and my stomach is still growling. So I think I will go make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and that should take care of me for the night.

Finally My Baby

Laura Highcove

So there’s something defiantly different about the foal being mine. I didn’t think it would make as much of a difference as it did. I mean I loved the three foals that were born last year, and watched out for them, and tried to train them as best I knew how, but I never actually worried about them the way I did about this foal.

When both mares waxed up and we came in Tuesday morning to find Maggie’s foal, I had this feeling that Nezi might go overnight, even though it didn’t look like she was going to go. Both Wednesday and Thursday morning I drove to work berating myself for not having spent the night, thinking that I would come in to find my foal had been strangled by his own umbilical cord, or been unable to get out of the placenta, or something else had happened where if I had just stayed all night I would’ve been able to save him.

But it ended up that she didn’t give birth those two nights. And during the day on Thursday Nezi has very soft behind and was dripping milk around time for afternoon chores, she got an odd lump in her stomach that Kate said was probably the baby moving. So that night Deb came to check on Nezi around 9:45. At 11:15 I showed up, prepared to spend the night with a baby monitor next to my head, only to stick my head into the stall to see a large amount of white butt in the dark.
I called Deb and went into the stall to begin to rub down the baby, though I was too scared/flustered to do anything else. The foal managed to get to his feet by the time Deb and Morgan showed up. Deb turned on the light and I saw that the baby was actually chestnut colored with a white blanket that covered his entire butt, down his back legs, and all the way up his back. All four legs had lightning marks up most of them. He also had a huge blaze that went down around the left side of his face.

Deb was the one who checked to see that it was a boy. She and Morgan then began praising how nice he looked, his legs and neck and heart-girth. I was, of course, taken mostly by the amazing amount of color and being happy about the unique facial marking.

I put the stuff on his umbilical stump and waited around until he had taken his first sips and Nezi passed the placenta, I cleaned out the stall and put in hay and headed home around 2am, which is a lot better than I thought. And still I worried on my way to work the next day that maybe the baby hadn’t drank enough milk to stay alive, or that it would be dead for other reasons. At yet he was there being all nice and happy when I arrived.

I had to do chores, and by the time the vets came it was getting cold. Nick passed all the tests except that his snap test was only average, and with the Strangles scare, I decided to go ahead and give him plasma to help boost his immunities.

Part of me is glad that he is a colt. If he had been a mare, I would have been extremely tempted to keep him for myself and my future broodmare band. Right now I’m probably going to talk to Deb about even gelding him. If I plan to sell him as a yearling then it might raise his worth to be a stallion if he turns out as nice as Deb might think. Also, if I sell him for a decent amount, I may be able to Choose Your Spots Nezi again next spring for another baby that may end up being a mare. If not, then that may be when I breed Tori.

Copper’s healing

Laura Highcove

So I didn’t put up pictures of Copper in the previous post cause I didn’t want anyone to worry. But now that she’s out of her collar and pretty much finished healing, I figured I can show a before and after picture.

Copper got half of her left ear burned off. Since cartilage doesn’t heal, it simply fell off. She had the deepest burns on her back just above her shoulder and on her front right leg.

And except for the first surgery which was mostly to remove the burnt hair and clean up the wounds a bit, everything healed basically on its own. Of course she’s young, and the vet said her growth was probably stunted quite a bit, but she seems to have come through this just fine.

I would like to thank Companion Animal Clinic, who made this whole process really painless and pretty cheap. Especially Dr. McCormick who took care of her, kept us in the loop, and even came in on his day off when her stitches came loose.